Lesson 9 - Elaborating, Revising, and Editing

🕐 Lesson Overview

Bellringer
Teacher Example - Elaborating, Editing, and Revising
Paragraph work time

⭐ Objectives

I can write a well-structured paragraph.
I can use conjunctions to extend and elaborate on ideas.
I can use evidence to support my claims.

📏 Standards

🗽 NYSNGSS

7R1:
Cite textual evidence to support an analysis of what the text says explicitly/implicitly and make logical inferences.
7R2:
Determine a theme or central idea of a text and analyze its development over the course of the text; summarize a text.
7W5:
Draw evidence from literary or informational texts to support analysis, reflection, and research.

🗒️ Lesson Plan

Anticipatory Set

As a bellringer, students will open ALWtW Paragraph #1. The teacher will provide students with a few minutes to continue work, with the goal of completing the R, A, and C sections. The teacher will take attendance then circulate to monitor and support students.

Developmental Activity

The teacher will demonstrate how to revise one's writing, using the following "in-progress" paragraph.

RA: Nya faces the challenge of collecting water for her family.

C: Linda Sue Park writes, "With her hands, she would dig a hole in the damp clay of the lakebed... The water that filled the hole was filthy, more mud than liquid. It seeped in so slowly that it took a long time to collect even a few gourdsful" (26-27).

E: In other words, Nya has to work hard. She has to dig and wait for the water. She provides for her family. I think she is very strong.

The teacher should highlight the following areas for improvement:

The RA sentence identifies a challenging situation, but it does not explain how Nya overcomes it. A because, but, so sentence can help remedy this.
The second sentence in the E section, "She has to dig and wait for the water," mostly restates the quote. It can be improved by adding commentary, such as: "She digs and waits for the water, showing patience and determination."
The last section in the E section can be elaborated on (and the "I" language should be removed). An acceptable model revision might be, "She provides for her family even though she is only 11 years old. Her family relies on her for survival."

The final revised paragraph might look like so:

Nya faces the challenge of collecting water for her family, but she overcomes it by being strong. Linda Sue Park writes, "With her hands, she would dig a hole in the damp clay of the lakebed... The water that filled the hole was filthy, more mud than liquid. It seeped in so slowly that it took a long time to collect even a few gourdsful" (26-27). In other words, Nya has to work hard. She digs and waits for the water, showing her patience and determination. She provides for her family even though she is only 11 years old. Her family relies on her for survival.

As the teacher demonstrates this revision, they should solicit suggestions and ideas from the class for improvement. The teacher may wish to add in spelling and grammar errors to review conventions.

Closure

Students will have the remainder of the period to finish their graphic organizers then type up their paragraphs. With the support of the editing checklist, students should revise their first drafts as modeled by the teacher.

🧠 Rationale

This lesson assumes early and developing writing skills. I find that students struggle most with elaborating on their ideas; the Because, But, So strategy equips them with language they can use to expand upon their ideas and fully answer the prompt.

The provided graphic organizer and editing checklist follows from universal design principles; it is a support for all learners but may be required by plans for students with special needs.

⚙️ Modifications

Students may be required to hand in their handwritten graphic organizers and editing checklists before utilizing technology to deter AI usage and cheating. Furthermore, in a class of struggling writers, the teacher may conference with students when they think they have finished their graphic organizers to provide focused feedback.